Should She Propose, or Should You?

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Men and women eventually tend to rack their brains trying to understand each other. It’s not unusual for a simple misunderstanding to make a turn for the worse. As the lines dictated by gender roles finally blur, you will be surprised by the number of men still proposing. Among heterosexual couples, 97% of men are reported to be the one who still proposes. Many factors play into this statistic: social media, equality in the workplace, and traditional gender roles.

Marriage Proposals in the 21st Century

For those between the ages of 18 and 29 on social media, 48% percent of them use an online platform to express their love. With the picture-perfect image that people play up on their feed, it is common for them to avoid that feeling of FOMO or fear of missing out. Sharing special events and even daily activities tends to put a lot of pressure on a relationship.

As women continue to enter the workforce in more equal and assertive positions, the symbols that distinguish women from men fade. Proposals became a symbol for some women to express how much men desired them and that despite taking on more masculine roles, they were still feminine. The notion of femininity associated with being proposed stems from the societal pressure on men to provide for the family.

No matter how antiquated, it is amplified by the generational gap the current millennials experience with their parents. Even though dual-income couples exist in their generation, it’s still a novel idea for them to hear the proposal being made another way around.

The divide in what a marriage proposal should look like includes what a ring should be. Not just any ring; it has to be a real diamond ring. Engagement rings are a staple of marriage proposals. There will be constant questioning from those around you if you do not get that wedding ring because it represented your ability to provide for a family you intend to have and your love for your future wife. Diamond rings are still here to stay in the 21st century, with ring seekers in 2017 paying an average of over $6,000 for it.

Proposing a Proposal


Ultimately, whether the man or the woman proposes is up to both of you. The woman will most likely not mind if you propose to her. The important and more economical trend that you can follow is talking to her about it. You can play around with the idea together, just so that she won’t feel offended that you’ve proposed to her without technically proposing to her. At the same time, she won’t feel pressured when you surprise her with a proposal.

Recent surveys showed that 70% of marriage proposals are planned. But the open line of communication with modern couples doesn’t mean that you can’t surprise her anymore. It really depends on your relationship with her. You can propose to her upfront without all the glitz and glamor, for instance.

Depending on her reaction to this pseudo proposal, you can decide whether she’s up for it. She won’t feel pressured that you spent too much money on the proposal itself, so her answer will be genuine. Down the road, when you’ve made the preparations, and you feel like surprising her, you can prepare a proposal. Maybe you can even book a photographer to hide somewhere and take a shot of the special moment.

Aside from relieving you both of the pressure to say yes, another reason why you might be better off proposing a proposal instead of going all out is that it can start an honest discussion of your finances. Even if you live together, knowing that you might get married someday will be an advantage in how you, as a couple, will handle your finances.

A big start could be could you even afford the wedding? She can even have a say in what sort of ring she wants. 90% of fiances say that they are happy with the ring they got during the proposal, while the remaining 10% wished that their future husband spent more or spent less.

Finally, one of the biggest reasons you should consider proposing a proposal is that a marriage is a kind of teamwork. You’re going to be in it together. Forever. Or at least, if you want it to last for as long as you want it to last, you should always have a steady line of communication with your partner by including her in this major decision.

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